We live in a different dating world – one where it’s become harder to meet people we connect with, and even harder to figure out how to build and grow a successful, long lasting relationships. Many therapists will tell you that relationships are “built on communication,” but what does that really mean, and how can you learn to communicate even while single?
About Me – Esther Oh Psychotherapy and Coaching
My name is Esther, and I am a psychotherapist and dating coach who works with people that want more long lasting relationships, as well as those that want to understand themselves and address life traumas, anxieties, and stress. If you’re looking for a therapist in San Francisco, please reach out to me today.
What is Communication?
You’ll often hear people say that communication is important. But many people assume that “communication” just means “talk about things more.” Talking is important, but successful communication is about so much more than that. For example:
- Being Clear and Accurate With Your Needs – Good communication means that you’re not over-exaggerating with “always” or “never” statements, that you say things directly rather than hint at them, that you use “I” statements (for example, “I feel I’m being dismissed” rather than “you are dismissive,” and knowing what you need enough to share it.
- Active Listening – Communication is not just about what you say, nor is it just about listening. It’s about HOW you listen. Are you taking in the worlds and reflecting on them? Are you giving them validating statements and asking appropriate questions? Are you listening to hear rather than listening for what to argue about?
- Staying Calm (Visibly as Well) – It’s hard to talk to someone that is getting more and more upset, either visibly or vocally. Learning to pause, avoiding blame and criticism, and teaching yourself not to escalate is an important part of communicating effectively.
- Boundaries – We have to be able, in a conversation, to recognize what we can or cannot say, and how to respond to a partner if one of you crosses a line. Learning boundaries and respecting boundaries is a critical part of any healthy conversation.
- Non-Verbal Communication – As mentioned earlier, not all communication is verbal. We have to also be able to know how we look, the tone we’re using, and be aware of other people’s cues as well.
These are some of many examples of communication, and there are many more. All of these play a role in how a relationship blossoms.
Addressing Communication While Single
With that in mind, these skills do not have to wait until you’re in a relationship. You can learn them when you’re single, or when you’re just dating someone. In my dating coaching sessions, we can talk about ways that communication may have hurt past relationships, the causes of communication difficulties (for example, poor role models in childhood), and how to overcome them. Working together, we can help you grow stronger into your next relationship, ultimately improving not only your chances of success, but your happiness as well.
If you’re looking for help building communication skills that can help you in a relationship, please reach out to me today. We can work on your communication skills through both therapy and coaching, helping you have more successful and meaningful connections.