Online Dating is One of the Best Ways We Have to Meet Partners, But it Comes at a Cost
Many, if not most, couples now are meeting through online dating apps and technology. It has become more common than bars, school, work, and even through friends, as the way to meet potential partners and spouses. These days, if you’re single and looking for a relationship, chances are you’re using an online dating app.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with this. After all, you likely know some amazing couples that have met through apps, and you yourself have probably met some people that you could see a future with.
But we also have to be aware of the risks, not only to our safety, but to the dating world as a whole.
Meeting Singles is Easier than Ever, Finding Relationships is Not
If you ask most people what it’s like dating in the world today, you’re going to find that most people say that it’s difficult. There is even some research evidence that shows that meeting mates is harder than ever before.
Yet this doesn’t make sense if you think about online dating.
Singles are now more accessible now than they have been in the past. There are thousands upon thousands of potential people that are seeking relationships and available on a host of online dating platforms.
So how can dating both be easier AND harder?
It’s because, while dating apps may help people connect, they can also introduce new challenges to developing a healthy and happy relationship: challenges that many people are not prepared to overcome when they use these apps. For example:
- Grass is Greener – Meeting someone and developing a relationship requires a desire for commitment to grow unimpeded. You have to feel excited that you can take it somewhere and decide that you’re going to commit even before you’ve officially committed. But dating apps are always there. You have the ability to keep looking, which means that most people do not give the relationship time to grow organically. They continue to seek out new connections, and – because newness is naturally exciting – prioritize new connections over developing existing ones.
- Seeking Beauty – Online dating is, in many ways, a beauty contest. Most apps help people connect based on looks or attraction. The challenge here is that there are always other (and sometimes, more) attractive people. That means that there’s always this tendency to hold out hope, and keep trying to meet, someone that is “sexier.” Once again, newness plays a role here, as when two people are equally beautiful it is not uncommon to get more excited about the new beauty. It’s hard for relationships to develop when you’re still in the process of seeking more attractive mates. No one wants to feel like they’re settling, but that feeling tends to be more common when using these apps as a result of seeing more beautiful people available.
- Lack of Skills Training – Online dating makes meeting people a bit too easy. While anyone can be a bit more confident chatting with someone online, creating meaningful relationships in person is a lot harder. The problem is that many people are not developing those communication skills because they’re dependent on online tools. In the past, learning to communicate and connect was a skill you had to acquire and learn in order to build relationships. Online, it is much easier to forgo meaningful discussions and interactions in exchange for hollow, less deep conversations, and then, in person, not know how to have those more meaningful connections as a result.
- The Threat of a Breakup – The easier it is to meet people, the less the idea of breaking up or ending the relationship seems hopeless. It feels like you can just meet someone else. While it’s beneficial not to be overwhelmed with sadness at a breakup, you also want to make sure that the idea of breaking up is sufficiently scary so as to give the relationship more attention and care. If it feels too easy to meet someone else, you may not do that.
There’s also the lack of organic connection. While many people meet with the intention of dating (“we hit it off right away!” or “it was love at first sight!”), many others tend to meet their partners in a more organic way, such as starting as friends. Meeting people online is fine, but losing not only on these organic means of meeting, but these organic skills, can hurt future relationships.
Getting Help with Dating and Relationships
Navigating the increasingly online dating world can be a challenge. We have not even begun to discuss other issues, such as low self-esteem from frequent rejection, or anxiety from a higher risk form of dating.
No matter your struggles, let me help. Dating coaching and therapy for singles are both specialties of mine, and I can help guide you through these complex emotions to help you build and develop more fulfilling relationships. For more information, or to get started, please reach out to me today.