Human beings crave relationships. Studies have consistently shown that those with social connections live longer, are happier, and feel more personally supported. Yet, many people struggle with social anxiety that makes it hard for them to develop these relationships.
Although the exact reasons people develop social anxiety are complex, and may have genetic and upbringing components, there is some evidence that many of us are creating social anxiety in our selves – and that our reliance on tech may be making it worse.
Behaviors and Habits that Create a Culture of Social Anxiety
Technology has changed the way we connect. Some of that is for the better. But some of it is for the worse.
While technology like smartphones and social media provide convenience and access, it also shifts how we practice social interaction. Over time, the habits encouraged by our devices may reinforce the very fears that define social anxiety.
- Over-Reliance on Text and Messaging – Texting feels safer than calling, but it reduces practice in live conversation. Over time, this makes phone calls or face-to-face interactions feel less familiar and more intimidating.
- Curated Online Personas – Social media encourages people to present the best version of themselves. This creates pressure to appear “perfect,” and it can fuel fear of judgment when showing up authentically in real life.
- Constant Comparison – Seeing only the highlights of others’ lives online can intensify self-doubt. This leads to increased sensitivity to judgment and greater hesitation in social situations.
- Avoidance Made Easy – Technology allows people to cancel plans, ignore calls, or avoid meetings without explanation. While this feels like short-term relief, it reinforces avoidance patterns that make real-life interactions harder.
- Reduced Practice in Social Skills – Like any skill, comfort with communication requires practice. When face-to-face interaction decreases, even ordinary conversations can begin to feel overwhelming.
- Looks Based Dating Apps and Communication – Meeting people entirely online through photos has also almost eliminated in-person interactions with the intention of finding relationships. It makes in person communication harder and more awkward, which in turn creates more social anxiety habits.
Here in the SF area, we tend to be ground zero for technology based interactions. We even invented the chat bots that now people use to avoid real life social interactions. But that creates a situation where fewer and fewer people are experiencing life the way that is needed to feel confident and comfortable around others.
Why Tech-Based Habits Increase Anxiety
Anxiety thrives in avoidance. When people consistently choose the easier, less threatening option – such as texting instead of calling, scrolling instead of socializing, or providing an Instagram handle instead of a phone number – the brain never has the opportunity to learn that social situations are manageable. Instead, the avoidance strengthens the belief that social interaction is something to fear.
Also, the rapid feedback loops of technology – likes, comments, views – can create heightened sensitivity to how others respond. This trains the brain to expect judgment, making in-person interactions feel equally high-stakes.
Rebuilding Balance in a Tech-Driven World
Technology itself is not necessarily problem – though there is an argument to be made it’s not making life better for many. Still, the real challenge lies in how it is used. To reduce the ways tech contributes to social anxiety, many people benefit from creating intentional habits that bring balance back into their daily lives:
- Choose calls or in-person conversations over texts when possible.
- Limit social media comparisons by setting boundaries on scrolling time.
- Practice exposure by deliberately putting yourself in small social situations rather than avoiding them.
- Remind yourself that real-life relationships are rarely as polished or judgmental as online platforms may make them seem.
Social anxiety is a complex condition, but our culture and habits play a role in how it develops and persists. As technology becomes more central to daily life, it is important to recognize the ways it can increase avoidance and amplify fear of judgment.
By being mindful of how we use technology, and by making deliberate choices to stay engaged in real human interaction, we can reduce the impact of these patterns and create opportunities for stronger, healthier relationships.
For more help with social anxiety, relationships, and dating, please reach out to me today.